Diary of a Separation (the pros and cons of splitting up)

The upside of a separation is meeting new people. The downside of a separation is meeting new people.

Confusing? Easy to explain.

Meeting new people after splitting up sets one on a new path of self-discovery and self-recognition. For sure, there is some self-doubt as well (especially if one is the guilty party). At the same time there is scope for exploration. The road ahead looks pretty empty and the brain becomes a tabula-rasa-like vehicle for all kinds of ideas and thoughts to find lodgement in. The plus of a situation like this is that, untethered to a formal relationship, part of our core comes out. We become ourselves once again. Obviously, we are more mature and (I’d hope) wiser, so, our inner self is given a brand new stage on which to shine again. The minus is that some of the traits that might surface will not be ones we would like to be acquainted with again.

When they tell you in therapy that breaking up can end up being beneficial to both parties, they always forget to tell you that there is also an unwelcome consequence: the unintended creation of yet another memory bank. Another memory bank! As if the one you’re leaving behind (physical, spiritual and mental) were not enough.

And yet…

At almost fifty-years-old now, I thought that I had reached a stage in my life when sex would be second nature. Silly me! Since my separation I have been on an enriching and never-ending journey of sexual exploration.

For instance, I have discovered there is a beautiful moment of peace and quiet when two bodies disentangle after making love and the experience has been satisfactory. Satisfactory in this case doesn’t necessarily mean penetrative sex but an intimate, carnal encounter. The sort of encounter that starts hours before the two aforementioned bodies, sweated and exhausted, lie side by side.

Foreplay doesn’t begin in bed. It kicks off in a café, or art gallery or during a walk or cycling jaunt.

Life never ceases to amaze me. Even when I’m almost knocking on fifty.

London-based, Cuban writer. Author of “Cuban, Immigrant, and Londoner”, to be published by Austin Macauley. Has written for The Guardian and Prospect.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store