Diary of a Separation (Our Past Offers Answers, But Not Excuses)
A car journey through East London provides space for analysis and reflection
Saturday 11th May 2019
Whilst driving from Ao’s tonight, I had a eureka moment. It was almost as if I could visualise my past and present on the windshield and they were both talking to me.
The tale they told me was one of culture, identity and belonging. At the same time they also warned me not to use these three elements as an excuse to cover up my shortcomings.
When it comes to relationships, we are as shaped by culture as we are by our personalities. In my case, being born and growing up in a chiefly macho culture was an influential factor when I began having girlfriends in my teens. The aim in those years — and still in 2019 — was to get the young woman in bed as quickly as possible. There wasn’t much preamble in the interaction. Dating was not a concept we were familiar with — not that we’re much acquainted with it now — which meant that that first, nerve-wracking, much-looked-forward-to outing served as introduction, matchmaking and making out, all rolled into one.
The housing situation during my adolescent years in Havana didn’t lend itself to the development of intimacy in a couple…
