Diary of a Separation (Loneliness When Accompanied)
Is loneliness in a couple worse than being alone by yourself?
Friday 17th May 2019
Loneliness is scarier when we suffer it in the company of others. Being isolated on our own is horrible, but at least there’s the consolation of being alone with oneself. Shared loneliness is the pits.
I thought of that tonight as I was driving to the Rich Mix. My two formal relationships since moving out of S’s have been free of the clutter I brought to S’s and my relationship. For years the last thing I did before going to bed at night was either switch the computer or my mobile off (or both sometimes). The irony was that there wasn’t just one person feeling lonely upstairs, but also another one downstairs, slowly drifting away from the partnership, albeit unconsciously.
My first relationship post-separation was an attempt to address this issue and establish a sense of connection with my partner. A way to invest time and inject trust in our union. I’d like to believe we pulled it off, even if our relationship was never fully in the open. With Ao, there was hardly ever social media-checking or distractions. In that regard, it was another improvement.
